Goblin News

Goblins Has Moved!

2010-08-10T18:03:00.001-07:00

This site is now dead. Goblins has moved over here. Come over and see the new place. :)

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

K'seliss Sneak Peek

2010-08-06T13:28:00.001-07:00

There's a new sneak peek under the vote button there.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

No ConnectiCon For Us

2010-07-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

(Warning: This was typed by a very sleep deprived man)

Last month, the court case that removed my ability to get a passport came to an end. I assumed that at that point, I was allowed to do all the things that had been legally kept from me. Drive a car, use my bank account, get a passport, etc.

In June, Danielle and I took a ferry (I live far away from everything and must take a ferry into the city for many things) to the passport office to order passports at $90 each so we could go to ConnectiCon. Just to be sure, we paid the extra $30 each to get the "express" treatment so we'd be sure to have them in time for the convention. We were assured that if there were any problems, they'd call us. If we received no phone calls, we could pick up the passports on the very day that we were scheduled to catch a plane into the USA. Talk about cutting it close!

For two weeks, I jumped every time the phone rang, hoping that it wasn't the passport office. After all, our plane tickets came to $1,500 and were non-refundable. The day before we were meant to leave for the convention, we received a letter from the passport office, telling me that my passport application had been denied because there was a "flag" on my name. The letter was sent the date after we applied for the passports.

I quickly called up the FMEP (who were my old "friends" from the court case who were supposed to remove the flag on my name) and asked what was up. The man I spoke to told me that it was all cleared up weeks ago and perhaps the files at the passport office were just slow to update.

Danielle and I woke up at 4:15am the next day in order to catch the first ferry into the city and be at the passport office as soon as they opened. We brought with us, all our ConnectiCon luggage just in case there was something that could be done and we could dart off to the airport with passports in hand. Once at the office, we waited in line to get a number, then waited for that number to be called at which point we spoke with Gordon, a passport office employee.

After hearing about our situation, he looked me up and discovered that the evil flag was still on my name! He said that as long as that flag was there, he cannot issue me a passport. And even if he could, it's not likely that it could be ready the same day, but if we wanted to contact the FMEP and "light a fire under their butts" as Gordon put it, we could then pay the $150 '24 hour urgent passport application fee' and try our luck.

"But I've already paid. I paid $120." I said.

"That was your initial application fee and that application was shut down as soon as we saw the flag on your name. That fee is unfortunately non-refundable." Danielle and I looked at each other, knowing that although we had about $160 on us, we needed that money for luggage fees, food, taxis, etc.

I decided to call FMEP from a payphone in the hallway and see if I could light that fire under their butts. I was put on hold, so I waited. I waited at that payphone for half an hour before an FMEP rep named Laura answered. After explaining my situation Laura assured me that the flag should be gone by now. I asked if someone representing the FMEP could call the passport office and tell them that. She said "we don't have the power to do that, only the Department of Justice can do that". I got the D of J's number and called them. I was put on hold and so I waited. I waited at that payphone for half an hour. Then I waited for another half an hour. I hung up and decided to pester Gordon again.

I went back into the passport office (where Danielle had made herself at home, crocheting next to a pile of our luggage), waited in line to get a number, then waited for that number to be called, at which point I was talking to my old friend Gordon who was telling me once more that he didn't have the power to bypass that flag on my name.

I returned to the now familiar payphone and decided to call the mysterious Department of Justice again. This time, I was determined to stay on hold for as long as it took. It took about an hour.

My heart leaped as a man answered. "Department of Justice, before we begin, may I have your social insurance number please?" (For you Americans, a social insurance number is similar to a social security number).

"495..." I began.

"875 234?" Said the man on the phone. That's right, he finished my SIN number for me (No, I didn't just type my real SIN Number online, but the real one was said over the phone).

"Um... yeah, how did you..?"

"Hello Mr. Hunt" I was completely confused at this point. I couldn't understand how he knew who I was.

"I literally just got off the phone with Laura from the FMEP who called me to explain your situation. I can help you. I contacted the security department and as soon as they fax me the information of your file, I can manually remove the flag on your name."

"Wow, that's great!" I said.

"Yes, you're very lucky that I was in the office. I can have this cleared up by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Oh, well I need to be on a plane tonight. Is there any way that was can fix this now?"

"Unfortunately Mr. Hunt, I can't correct the issue until I get that fax and they won't be able to contact me until tomorrow."

"Oh." I replied "Well is there any way that you could..."

"Hang on Mr. Hunt, the fax is here."

"What?"

"It's here. It just arrived." And five minutes after that comment, this amazing God of a man had removed the flag from my name. He even said "On behave of the Department of Justice, I declare that you are free to obtain a passport without any hindrance."

I rushed back into the office, waited in line to get a number, then waited... well, you know the drill. We gave Gordon our $150 and a few hours later, Danielle and I both had our passports. An awkward phone call to Danielle's amazing parents landed us a $200 loan from them, which would cover the other expenses of our trip.

We bused to the airport, checked in our luggage for $50 and waited until just after midnight to catch the first plane of our trip.

We landed in Minneapolis and were all guided to US customs. Something that we were told we'd have to do before we could catch our next flight into NYC. Danielle and I were ready to pay some kind of duty tax on our items, but we'd done some research and discovered that there was no tariff on books.

An officer pulled us aside and asked us all sorts of questions. I explained about the convention and how Danielle and I were to be guests of honour.

"Where are your work visas?" He asked us.

"What? Wait, we need work visas to attend a convention?" I felt that 'passport office' stress from the day before returning to me.

The officer explained to us that by trying to enter the USA to sell even one book without a work visa, we were stealing work from Americans and breaking the law.

I told him that I'd be willing to ditch all my merchandise and just go to enjoy the convention and he said "no". He said that since I already told him that I was planning to sell some books, I could not enter the USA at this point no matter what I said or did.

He asked us if we'd ever sold any books at American conventions before. Not wanting to make things worse by lying, I told him that we'd attended GenCon in 2007. He told us outright that we were not going to be allowed into the United States and mentioned possible jail time.

"Have a seat and wait right there." He said.

After my court battle, I was now getting used to being told that I might be going to prison. For a guy who doesn't even know how to roll a joint, I sure hear the phrase "possible jail time" a whole lot. This time was different than the court situation though. Having Danielle lumped into that possibility with me was a special kind of fear. As I sat in my plastic chair looking up at the staggering number of American flags that surrounded me (which now looked angry somehow), I began rehearsing certain conversations in my mind...

"But officer, she didn't even fill out the customs card, I did."
"Officer, she's not the author of the books, I am."
"Honestly officer, I don't even trust her to touch my merchandise. She has nothing to do with sales."

After awhile, Danielle and I were separated and I was brought into an interrogation room. It was explained to me that Danielle was also being interrogated somewhere else so if we lie about anything, they'll know about it and her and I could be facing five years in prison. I silently hoped that neither Danielle or I accidentally got any facts wrong and end up with unmatching answers.

I was questioned for maybe an hour by Officer C. (you think I'm crazy enough to post his name here?) who asked me about everything. Seriously, everything. When my Father met my Mother, how much money did I make at GenCon in 2007, even this one...

"So why are you a guest of honour at this, ConnectiCon?"

"Uh, well... I'm an author. I guess... I suppose I have a large amount of fans? I mean... I suppose I'm an author of some notability in certain circles." I'm a pretty modest guy, but we're talking about jail, people. I'd have told him that I was the best singer in Canada, if that's what he wanted to hear.

The interrogation was actually a lot like the ones you see in movies. A bunch of times he'd exit the room, leaving me sitting alone in my chair before returning five minutes later. I could vividly picture some cheesy Law & Order group of cops studying me from behind some two way mirror asking things like "what do ya think? Ya think he's lying?". There was no such mirror, but I could still imagine it.

After the interrogation, I was finger printed, photographed, then brought into another room where two officers thoroughly searched me. It was all very professional and I wasn't "violated" or anything but seriously, that was as close to a homosexual experience as I've ever come, and I've had a prostate exam before.

Eventually, Danielle and I were brought into the same room and escorted by Officer C. to a plane that would take us back to Canada. We were not allowed to have our passports returned to us until after the plane landed in Canada.

Despite all of these events, I want to make it clear that the officers Danielle and I dealt with were very professional. No one tazed us or was unnecessarily rude. They were all just very professional and unwavering in their duties. In fact, Danielle and I were both told separately that we were much more co-operative and truthful than what the officers were used to.

So now we're back home safely. I'm so very sorry to those of you who travelled a long distance and paid money that you otherwise might not have to get to ConnectiCon to see us. I also want to apologise to ConnectiCon who paid for a hotel room for Danielle and I that will now not be used.

Given that this whole nightmare has cost us over $2000 and made us no profits, I'll be launching a Tempts Fate this week in hopes of putting a dent in this brand new debt of ours. The riddle door in the last Tempts Fate was very popular, so I'll be expanding on that idea. Hopefully it'll be fun for everyone. My stance on Tempts Fate donations is usually "just reading the comic is support enough", but this time it'll be a little bit more of the "please help us" variety.

Also, the last three days, being a roller coaster of stress and intense negative emotions has shown me something pretty cool. Despite the tears, the fear and the worrying, Danielle and I never once snapped at each other or turned on each other in any way. The entire time, we were nothing but supportive, loving and close. In fact, the worst part of the whole ordeal for both of us was when we were separated and not allowed to know where the other was. I now know that no matter what happens, there's no situation that can cause us to turn on each other.

During the interrogation, I answered as many questions as I could with a simple "yes" or "no". I didn't want to make matters worse by adding any extra details and tripping myself up. I kept this minimalistic answering for as many questions as I could except one. In an environment where an untrue answer would get me thrown in jail, when asked "Is Danielle Stephens your wife?".

I answered "She will be."

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Goblins Desktop/ConnectiCon/Thank You

2010-07-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to announce the new, interactive Goblins desktop theme. Over time, new features, content and artwork will be automatically added to it. It's free to download, and having it on your desktop actually makes us money by including Bing as the default search engine. So feel free to try it out.

Also, I want to strongly thank everyone who has emailed me with words of encouragement concerning my recent court case situation. The amount of emails that I received (and am still receiving) is more than I have ever gotten about any one subject. I'm now about halfway through reading them all. I especially love the stories you've been sending about your own experiences. Those emails are very kind, supportive and mean more to me than you may realise. Thank you so very much.

Finally, next week's update will be up on Wednesday instead of the usual Tuesday, since Danielle and I won't be getting back from ConnectiCon until Tuesday afternoon. If you're going to be at the Con, stop by table #31 in the Artist's Colony and say hello!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

My Court Case

2010-06-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

(The following blog entry gets pretty deep and talks about my personal life, it has nothing to do with the comic. Some of you may prefer to skip this one.)

For years now, I've been dealing with a very stressful situation that started off as a private matter, but over time began to leak outward into the public and cause Goblins readers to raise an eyebrow and say "what the heck is going on with Thunt?". Well, since the whole ordeal has now come to an end, I can finally explain what's been causing me so much trouble.

I have two sons from a previous relationship. Up until July of 2006, both boys lived with my ex, who was having some difficulties. To give you an idea of the sorts of difficulties I mean, let me tell you about... the eggs.

Many years ago, I showed up at the ex's apartment one Friday afternoon for my much anticipated Father-time weekend pick-up. While there, I'd noticed that a carton of eggs had been dropped onto the kitchen floor and made a splattered mess. When I arrived at the apartment a couple days later for the Sunday evening child drop-off, I was amazed to see that the eggs were still splattered all over the floor, untouched. Now as much as it embarrasses me to say this, I was afraid of my ex. I was like a whipped dog who shrank downward every time I was snapped at or yelled at by her, which was pretty often. So when I asked her if she was aware of the egg mess, she growled "yes". I inwardly cowered and didn't press the matter. The following Friday when I arrived for that weekend's Daddy time, I was amazed to find that the eggs were still all over the kitchen floor. When I asked about it, I was angrily told "you have to wait for the eggs to harden before you can clean them up, Tarol". A better man and maybe even a better Father would have argued about the health concerns or maybe even gone in and cleaned it up. But like I said, I was terrified of this girl to a humiliating degree and so I did nothing.

There are many more stories like the egg tale, but I'll fast forward to the time that I tried to pick up my boys only to be told by my ex that she'd dropped them off at a home for abandoned children four days earlier.

"What?! Why did you do that?! If you're having problems, why didn't you call me?!" I asked in a panic.

"Because I'm fucked up, okay?!" This is the statement that I've come to remember her by. Every time I have to see her or deal with her in any way, I can almost literally hear her shrieking these words at me. You'd think that after so many years, this phenomenon would start to get funny, but so far it's just disturbing.

I quickly asked her where this foster care place was, but she refused to tell me. I pounced onto my phone and started frantically calling dozens of places asking all sorts of questions. It's hard to do detective work when you're sobbing.

I eventually found my kids and gained visitation rights from the foster care home. It was at this time that I sued for custody. For months, I made court appearances and did paper work on the matter. This was and hopefully will remain the scariest, most stressful time of my life. If you've never been involved in a custody battle, it's like playing blackjack, except instead of placing a bunch of chips on the table, you place your kids up there and tell them that everything is going to be okay. By the way, this custody battle is not the court case that I just won. That comes later.

I remember standing beside my ex in front of a judge and watching her casually explain to him how she had been telling the kids all about what an ass their Father was. I remember feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from "Yes! This will surely help my case!" and "My kids get told that I'm an ass?"

I remember the judge saying "You really shouldn't be putting down the Father to the children like that".

She shrugged her shoulders and replied "If he's acting like an ass, I'm going to tell my kids that he's an ass. I'm not going to lie to them". I would have payed large amounts of money to know what the judge was writing down after she'd said that.

The custody battle went on for a long while and it was beginning to take its toll on my eldest son. Although I made every effort to keep the whole court battle secret to him, my ex was admittedly giving him all the terrifying details along with some tales about what a monster his Father was. My eldest has aspergers syndrome and although he's growing out of it at a very healthy rate, it dominated much of his behaviour at that time of his life. The lengthy stress of the court battle was causing him to go through more stress than he'd ever gone through when he lived with my ex (out of respect for my son, I won't go into the details of how he handled that stress). Once I realised that I was hurting my kids with the custody battle, I called it off.

Years later, my eldest son at eleven years old decided that he really wanted to come and live with Danielle and me and my ex agreed. My youngest son was also talking about wanting to move in with us but at age eight, my ex wouldn't allow it, claiming that he wasn't old enough to make those sorts of decisions yet.

Now up until the day my eldest son moved in with us, I'd been paying child support for both boys. When my son moved in with us, my ex agreed that I wouldn't need to worry about child support since we each had one child to take care of. She explained that she'd contact the FMEP (Family Maintenance Enforcement Program) and tell them that I'm no longer required to pay child support.

A few months later, I received a letter from the FMEP that told me how late I was with a bunch of payments. It carefully listed the interest I'd built up and the punishments that were coming if I didn't make immediate payments. I emailed my ex and told her about the letter. She seemed surprised and said not to worry about it as she'd contact them and clear it up.

Fast forward a bunch of months later to me standing in front of my mailbox holding yet another scary letter from my pals at the FMEP. My missed payments and interest was quickly building and there may have actually been an exclamation mark somewhere on that letter, which is a pretty big deal when it's from a branch of the government.

I wrote another email to my ex. She told me how angry she was with the FMEP and how she'd spoken with them twice about this and been assured that the file had been closed. She promised to order them (this time in writing) to back off.

Some time later, I received another letter. This one made a growling noise when I opened it. I swear to the gods, it growled at me. Inside, it listed an overdue amount ranging in the thousands of dollars with rapidly growing interest and penalties. It also explained how my bank account was now frozen, I was not allowed to drive a car, leave the country or have a credit card. And if I didn't pay soon, I would go to jail. It was around this time that I began to develop an OCD style phobia toward opening my mailbox.

I emailed my ex again. This time, her response was quite different. Allow me to directly quote part of that email...

"...you can try to make some kind of payment plan arrangement with them, perhaps they will go easy on you, but as there haven't been any payments to date, I don't see how they could."

This was the only time in my life that I'd ever hyperventilated. I remember laying on the floor with Danielle trying to calm me down. It's a good thing that I was never drafted into a war because apparently I am a big, squishy wuss.

This began the court battle. The one that as of yesterday, Danielle and I won. My job was to prove that my eldest son had been living with me since July 2006. My ex's job was to prove that I was a lying, deadbeat dad who was just trying to get out of paying child support for both boys.

Now, you might be thinking "how hard can it be to prove that your own kid lives with you?". Well, it's actually harder than you'd think. You see, my son was too young to testify in court. Understandably, Canadian laws don't allow for kids to get pulled into these messes. School records don't prove much since he could technically be going to the school closer to my house and still be living with my ex. Add to that the fact that she was still claiming on her taxes that both children live with her and you've got yourself a full-blown court battle.

Some of the readers may remember my sudden removal of the Goblins Cafepress store a couple years ago. This raised some questions, especially since I cryptically explained that I'd taken it down due to a "legal issue". Well, my ex had taken it upon herself report the store to the FMEP who quickly went after it. Not understanding the nature of my career, she also reported Danielle as my "employer". The FMEP then pestered Danielle about her deadbeat employee, but obviously that had comical results. Although, I'm not sure if the FMEP found it as funny as we did.

Some of you may remember the time that Wil Wheaton mentioned me on his Twitter account, talking about how he thought my comic about him was really funny. Well it turns out that my ex was also a Wheaton fan. I can only assume that she saw his tweet about Goblins and wasn't very happy about it. This is what she publicly tweeted to Wil...

"Thunt=deadbeat dad: owes child support, used your image to get more hits to his site, Predator for money grub copyright means 0 to him"

I was nauseous when I found that comment. My ex had progressed from attacking me for her own personal gain to attacking me for no reason other than to hurt me. Posting that comment didn't make her any money or offer her material gains of any kind. It was purely to try and hurt me. I quoted her tweet in an email to her and posted one sentence...

"You really are the worst human being I've ever met".

She never responded to that email, but a few hours later, she tweeted this...

"oh noes, my ex doesn't like me. w/e shall I do? Hit a nerve or 3, mebbe? where did I put my puppy-kicking shoes?".

The court appearances continued on, all the while with FMEP sending me letters that talked about prison time and giant, unpayable debts. Marrying Danielle has been out of the question, for fear of the FMEP going after her as well. If her bank account, drivers license and credit card were seized like mine was, there'd be no way for us to make any kind of a living.

As a white male, I've been fortunate enough to never have to deal with the ugliness of prejudice, but over the last few years, I've gotten a hint of what it must feel like. Many times I've walked up to a court registry or duty council to ask a few questions or get a file on my case. I repeatedly experienced watching the person that I was talking to go from smiling and friendly to noticeably cold after checking my file and learning why I was standing infront of them. No one likes a deadbeat dad.

However, yesterday at 1:45pm a judge, a lawyer representing the FMEP and a lawyer representing the Canadian government all agreed that I owed my ex no money. In one amazing moment, the massive debt was suddenly gone. Danielle and I hugged for a very long time. She cried, I didn't. Okay, I cried later on. I'm still big, squishy wuss after all.

Now I know that some of you may feel that I shouldn't be posting all of this info publicly. You may be right about that, but I have two definitive reasons for this blog post. Firstly, a lot of readers have known that I've been dealing with some kind of stressful court situation for a long time and I feel that they should know what's going on. Secondly, I've been bullied and pushed around for years over this and that stress has changed me. I wasn't kidding about that fear of checking my mailbox. It's like I have a negative, emotional beach ball in my gut that has been deflated, but it's still there. I feel a lot better than I did two days ago, but it's not really gone, it's just smaller and feels a lot less icky. I'm hoping that posting this will fix that. Sort of get it all out.

Now if you'll excuse me, this "deadbeat dad" has to pack. I'm going camping with my kids tomorrow.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

New Desktop Wallpapers

2010-06-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

There are two new wallpapers in the Extras section. There are two ways to get one. You can...

1. Donate $2.00 using the donation button in the Extras section or...

2. Not donate and just help yourself to the wallpapers anyways.

I like money because I can use it to buy food and stuff, but at the same time I have a hard time saying "only people who give me money can enjoy X". I realise that this is the basic concept behind sales and that there's nothing wrong with this idea but seriously, isn't free stuff better? So if you don't have the means to donate a couple bucks, that's totally cool. Help yourself to a desktop if you like and just keep supporting me by reading the comic. However, if tossing a couple bucks my way is no big deal for you, you'd be making my life a whole lot easier.

EDIT: I just got an email explaining that Mac users have the icons on the right side of the monitor rather than the left. I had no idea! I'll get to work on Mac friendly versions of the wallpapers soon.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Double Sneak Peek

2010-06-08T19:16:00.000-07:00

There's a two panel sneak peek under the vote button.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Dank Sneak Peak

2010-06-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

Under the vote button (right over there) is a new sneak peek. It's a panel from the upcoming comic with no characters in it. Just creepy dungeon goodness.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Yuan-ti Mating Habits

2010-06-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Heh heh.

I had a feeling that I might get some emails regarding the yuan-ti 'mating ball'. Some readers (okay three so far, but that's still "some") would like to know why I made up such a weird and complicated quirk for the yuan-ti. The whole process was actually lifted from the mating habits of the common garter snake. Lots of dudes forming a tangled ball with one lady, two penises per dude... honestly, I didn't make that up.

Now off to Google with you.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

We'll Be At ConnectiCon!

2010-05-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

That's right, Danielle and I will be at ConnectiCon this July 9-11, so if you're going to be in the area, stop by and say hello!

If you'd like to see us at con near you, then send them an email and suggest us as guests.

Sneak Peek Of Exasperation

2010-05-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

Under the vote button is a new sneak peek of the next update.

Also, thank you to everyone who's been buying Book Two! Well, thank you to the people who've bought Book One as well, but you guys have already been thanked, so let's let the Book Two buyers have this moment, okay? There are still hardcover editions available, which give you a +9 against ogres.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Different Kind Of Sneak Peek

2010-05-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

Today, we're trying something a bit different. Under the vote button over there, is a picture of the newest Goblins desktop that I spent yesterday/this morning working on. It'll be available along with a Tempts Fate desktop that I'll be working on soon. I still owe you guys a picture of Tempts in his new, goblin armour.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Happy Sneak Peek (May 1st)

2010-05-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Under the vote button is a sneak peek of Kin NOT suffering for a change.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

New Sneak Peek (April 26)

2010-04-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

There's a sneak peek of tomorrow's update under the vote button. It's a delicious part of this complete Goblins update.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

I Won A Trip To Cancun! (Not Really)

2010-04-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks (or so) ago, my phone rang. I picked it up to hear a recording of a very excited man congratulating me for winning a trip to Cancun! All I had to do was push 1 to claim my prize.

Now, of course I knew that this was a telemarketing deal and by pushing 1, I was inviting a salesperson to try their best to ram a pricey vacation package down my throat then reach up my ass and pull out a commission.

I had some fun with that guy by pretending to be a complete moron who was jumping up and down, convinced that I was going to Cancun for free. I made it as difficult as possible for the salesman to break the soul-shattering news to my dumb persona by telling him how I'd never won anything in my life and that this was "the best thing that has ever happened to me". When the salesman explained that I hadn't actually won anything, but their promotional deal was "so great it was almost like winning", I made sure to not understand what he meant and prolong the awkwardness for as long as possible.

"Well yeah, but I don't need that promotion though right? Because I won a trip to Cancun!"

"Well Sir, right now we're offering..."

"Are you calling from Cancun? Are you there now? Did you win a contest too?!"

"Well, we're offering to treat you like royalty for a week for one low price and..."

"I've been so sad lately and this just changes my life! I'm literally doing the Snoopy dance right now!" I wasn't.

In the interest of believability, I eventually began to show signs of comprehension caked in bitter disappointment. Although the salesman seemed to believe my reactions were true, he really didn't seem to give a crap that he'd stepped on my smiling face and crushed what I'd claimed to be the greatest moment in my life.

"So... so I didn't win anything?"

"Well, our promotion is so good, it's like winning." He kept saying that. I'm pretty sure it was written on a piece of paper that was stuck to his cubicle wall with a hunting knife stabbed through it.

"So I... I lose?"

"No Sir, we're ready to offer you $2,500 off of our amazing package right now. It's a great deal and available for a very limited time."

"Well that actually does sound like a great deal. Would I be able to purchase the package from you over the phone with my credit card?"

"Yes Sir, I can do that for you, no problem."

"Would I be able to pay the full amount right away or do I have to pay in payments?"

"Oh no, a full payment is very easy to do. I can arrange that for you right away if you like."

"Oh that's great because I really want to buy this trip. You've definitely made a sale. Well... actually it's like you've made a sale, but it's really just me telling you to fuck off."

That's where I ended the call. Usually after I've had my fun with telemarketers (remember, it's not a prank call if they call you) I tell them to put me in the 'do not call' list. Apparently, by law, they have to do this. However, I forgot to tell Mr. Cancun to put me on such a list which led to...

THUNT VS CANCUN PART II

Today I got another call from that happy recording, telling me that I'd won a trip to Cancun! ... Again!

I sighed and pressed 1 to claim my prize. Soon I was talking to a lovely lady who asked how I was and began telling me about their amazing vacation deal.

"I won a trip to Cancun!" I interrupted with excitement.

"Actually no, I'm offering you a promotional deal worth $2,500..."

"Can I just have the cash?"

"What? No, it doesn't work that way. For a limited time, you can..."

"This is the second time I won! I mean Jesus Christ, what are the odds, right?"

"You didn't actually win anything." This lady was a bit more truthful about the whole deal.

"I disagree, I won a trip to Cancun. That's what the recording told me. Twice. So can I have both of my prizes converted to cash on one check or do I need to get two separate checks?"

At this point the lady seemed to have decided to play this call by the book. Maybe she thought she was being tested with a weird training call or something, but she refused to do anything other than read from her sales pitches that were no doubt tucked into the three-ring binder in front of her (by the way, I'll bet $50 that there are a minimum of two hearts doodled somewhere on that binder). No matter how bizarre I got, she kept reading her pitches word for word. Sometimes talking right over me. Eventually I got bored and...

"Look, I'll be honest with you. You're company called me up and tried to reel me in with a flimsy lie about winning a contest. It's pretty low." I waited for her response but was met with only silence until...

"The weather in Cancun has been beautiful and so this is a better time than ever to..."

"Are seriously still trying to sell me?"

"Look, this is my job."

"Well your job is lying to people, disappointing them, then using that to squeeze a sale out of them."

Silence.

"Sir, since you're still on the line I can only assume that you are interested in one of our vacation packages. Perhaps I can tell you about..."

At this point something glorious dawned on me and I swear to GOD that I actually heard angels singing above me as the sun suddenly shone a bit brighter through my window. I had reached telemarketing Nirvana.

"Wait a second," I said "you... you're not allowed to hang up on me are you."

Silence.

"You can save $2,500 on..."

"You can't hang up on me! You have to hard sell me until you either make a sale or I hang up!"

Silence.

"Sir, since you're still on the line I can only assume that you are interested in one of our..."

"BAHAHAHAHA! This is awesome! What should I tell you about? Want me to describe my big toe to you? Because I may be interested in hearing about your Cancun package if you learn all about my big toe. You better not hang up on me because this vacation dealy is starting to sound pretty sweet."

Silence.

"...interested in one of our vacation packages. Perhaps I can tell you about our amazing..."

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if you swished with liquid paper? I always wondered if it'd make a thin, white, rubbery cast of the inside of my mouth."

"...perhaps I can tell you about our amazing package deal which includes..."

This sort of back and forth went on for over ten minutes until she eventually broke her company's rule and hung up the phone. I will remember this telemarketing call as my Magnum Opus of received telemarketing calls. Also, I have a weird urge to plan a trip to Cancun.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Dragon Lung Sneak Peek

2010-04-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

New sneak peek under the vote button (you know, the goblin with the shield over there).

Silly dwarf, that is yucky stuff and it is not for drinking.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Sneak Peek Under Twitter

2010-03-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

In a whorish attempt to up the number of Twitter followers I have, I'm going to be posting most of my sneak peeks through my Twitter account. If you really hate Twitter, you can still see the links to the sneak peeks from this page in that little Twitter box over there.

Not counting act of God, I can actually guarantee an update tomorrow at noon (-8 GMT) since it's already finished.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

3-D Sneak Peek

2010-03-18T11:21:00.001-07:00

The sneak peek that's under the vote button (to the lower right of this blog) is not actually in 3-D, but it's close.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Finally Another Sneak Peek

2010-03-04T23:09:00.000-08:00

Under the vote button, we see a sneak peek of the upcoming update, starring Minmax, Forgath and a gathering crowd.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Art Thieves, You Suck So Hard

2010-02-26T22:53:00.000-08:00

All thieves suck.

The idea of taking something away from someone else really pisses me off. However, stealing something that someone else not only owns, but also worked hard to create sends me into a molten, poptartian frenzy (to me, Poptarts represent anger, just go with it).

Typing the phrase art thief doesn't really describe these "artists" properly, so let's call them, oh I don't know... doucheparrots. Parrots copy others and douche is not only insulting, it's fun to type in a rant.

A few days ago, the folks over at hottopic.com were caught selling a tshirt that had a barely altered version of this image which was drawn by Vera Brosgol (check out her very cool site for more of her work). Vera sent Hot Topic an email and in all fairness, they got back to her pretty fast and promised to take the shirt off of their site, which they did. We'll never know for sure if Hot Topic knew that the image was stolen, but we certainly know that the doucheparrot who "drew" it knew. He (or she) is talentless, scum.

Okay, so everything was worked out. The shirt disappeared and Vera (who is obviously much more mature than I am) quietly moved onto doing what she does well, creating original art. End of the story, right? No.

Today, Hot Topic was caught again. This time they were selling buttons with art stolen directly from Meghan Murphy (whose very cool comic can be seen here). Now before we grab our pitchforks and torches, let's remember that Hot Topic might legitimately have no idea that they've hired doucheparrots. Maybe they genuinely want to sell original merchandise and they're victims of the doucheparrot people, who are dragging the good name of Hot Topic through the mud. If this is true, they had better take a close look at how they're doing business and make some much needed changes. Maybe fire whoever is responsible and start printing "We're sorry we were Pooheads to the real artists" tshirts.

And just because I'm really angry at these art thieves right now, I (or rather Mike Tyndall) present to you, Todd Goldman the King Doucheparrot. This guy deserves something angry and stinging to crawl up his pant leg. Also note that the doucheparrot in question not only stole artwork from dozens and dozens of artists, but he then threatened legal action against Mike Tyndall for making "defaming, derogatory and malicious statements" about him on that page. Now, even though I'm talking poorly about Todd Goldman here, I can't be sued because Todd Goldman is a name I just made up.

It's original, I swear.

I created that name and it's my work.

Not stolen, totally a Thunt original.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Riddle Doors & Canadian Awards

2010-02-10T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've been getting emails and requests on Twitter for me to explain just how the door solution worked. To see how the solution was found, check this out.

I think that it would have been much better if I'd set up the password to be something recognisable instead of a gibberish word. Some people got the word, but weren't sure if it was correct because seriously, what is a leafoof?

In other news, I am nominated for an Aurora Award! In Canada, this is actually a big deal. You get a huge trophy and your very own TARDIS! Okay, maybe not a TARDIS. Here's how the Auroras work...

The five artists who get the most nominations by Feb. 15th end up on "the ballot". From there, a voting system starts in May at Keycon 27. So if you're a Canadian citizen living in or outside of Canada or a permanent resident in Canada, then you can make me feel like a big shot by nominating me here in the catagory of Artistic Achievement - 2009.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shower off the stench of vote-whoring.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Wil Wheaton + Thunt = Angry People

2010-01-26T16:22:00.000-08:00

It's weird how much flak I've gotten for Wil Wheaton's mention of me. Everything from stand-offish sarcasm from a few emails, to others angrily using Twitter to contact both Wheaton and myself. What's the big deal? I'm a fan of his, so I drew him into my comic and twittered about it. Yes, I twittered about how I wanted him to see it. I didn't start a spam campaign or pass out his email address or anything. I twittered that I wanted the guy to see my work. Now before you start painting "Thunt was getting his readers to spam Wheaton" on a sign and waving it above your head, let's take a moment to look at some important numbers.

-Wheaton has close to two million followers on Twitter.
-He Tweets dozens of times a day, often with inane/entertaining questions to his followers.
-I currently have a meager 1,450ish followers and when I ask them a question such as "can condensed milk go in tea" I get maybe 30-50 responses in the space of a couple hours.

So if (1,450 Twitter followers + inane question = 30 to 50 tweets) then (1,638,000 Twitter followers + inane question = somewhere around 49,000 tweets) I actually can't imagine him getting 49,000 responses every time he asks a question on Twitter, but lets just say, considering how many times he tweets with fun questions or "look at a picture of the waffles I ate for breakfast", that it's a lot. Wil Wheaton is clearly not a man who minds getting Twitter traffic.

Does my mentioning on Twitter about how much I'd like Wheaton to look at my comic, get people to send him tweets? Yes. Does it flood him with spam? Of course not. The tweets he got about my comic from Goblins readers is nothing when compared to his usual daily traffic, which as I've mentioned, he encourages. Let's also not forget that we're talking about Twitter here. Twitter. It's not his email or his website, it's Twitter. The same social networking site that people use to show pics of their cat sleeping or their lucky D-twenty. This is the site that is primarily used to tell the world that your shoelace broke or that the guy in front of you at the bank has body odour. Twitter is simplistic, pseudo-intellectual tripe and I freaking love it. It's the perfect place to say "hey geeky celebrity, check out my backwater, Canadian comic in which you appear cause you rock".

One email that I received talked about how Wheaton only linked to me on Twitter to "shut me up". However, Wil also copied a snip of my comic and posted it on his Tumblr account along with a comment about how funny he found it and how he liked the shirt I'd drawn him in. This doesn't seem like the actions of a guy who just wants to shut me up or who feels like I'm flooding him with a tidal wave of spam.

Now that that's said, let me take this moment to recommend his books. They're pretty much mandatory reading for any geek and you can find them along with a huge amount of other brilliant and hilarious material over at his site. Along with my recommendation to buy his books, I'm aggressively asking all my readers to go over to his Twitter account and tell him how awesome he is. Tell him he's intelligent, tell him he's funny. Make him smile. In fact, I also want everyone to go over to Neil Patrick Harris' Twitter account and compliment him for rocking our worlds. Then when you're all done there, head to Girl Genius' Twitter and thank the Foglios for making such great comics. Then onto Lar deSouza and Ryan Sohmer for their inspiring work. Wait a second... my call to spam is starting to look an awful lot like social networking. Hmmm...

You see, as much as I'd like to think that I have the kind of tspamnami powers that some angry folks claim I have, I'm just one more person having some fun on Twitter, and what some people call "encouragement to spam", I call respecting someone I look up to by telling folks about him in my own way.

As always, thanks for reading and following me on Twitter.

~Thunt

Audio Ads

2010-01-20T10:52:00.001-08:00

Audio ads, as you probably know, are those ads that spew out annoying sound while you're trying to browse a site. It's been brought to my attention by a few annoyed readers that Goblins sometimes shows an audio ad.

I hate audio ads. I hate them more than I hate brussel sprouts, and I hate brussel sprouts. Keenspot manages the ad rotation on my site and they hate audio ads too, that's why they've blocked them from Goblins and their other sites. However, some audio ads are still getting through and somehow making their way onto my comic. I hate this more than I hate brussel sprouts with an earwax center, and I hate brussel sprouts with an earwax center. I've contacted the Keenspotian Gods about this and I'm going to do everything I can to stop this from ever happening again, because I hate this. I hate it more than I hate brussel sprouts with an earwax center dusted in powdered glass, and I hate brussel sprouts with an earwax center dusted in powdered glass. In the meantime, please bear with me.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

PS - Brussel sprouts are yucky.

I Have The Power!

2010-01-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

For the last day and a half, I've been without electricity. A wind storm knocked down a whole bunch of trees in my area, taking out power lines all over the place. Although this looked pretty cool, it stopped me dead as far as finishing the update that should have gone up on Monday.

Power lines and cable lines were all repaired and now I'm back in the realm of heated food and light!

In other news, one of the maple trees in our front yard fell over during the wind storm and did some minor damage to the front of our house. I'm going to miss that tree. :(

I'll try and have the update up sometime on Tuesday night.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Goblins vs The Dentist

2010-01-11T23:57:00.000-08:00

I don't want you to think that Goblins has become stuck in a 'one page a week' schedule, because it hasn't. Not permanently, anyways. If you haven't already caught my complaining on Twitter, I had some yucky dental surgery done, which lead to some gross complications, which lead to me going back to the dentist today. It's been a painful, whiny week. If you add Tempts Fate and the recently passed holidays in there, you get one page per week. Very soon though, I'll be able to do more as well as finish cleaning up the site.

Also, Book Two is a hobbit's hat-rack away from to shipping out! Hang in there, peoples!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Dentist! Oh Dear Gods, A Dentist!

2010-01-05T02:38:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday morning, I have a dentist appointment to remove a wisdom tooth that is apparently right on a nerve. What is the difference between removing this tooth and removing a normal wisdom tooth? This will cost more, hurt more and take longer. I'm not sure exactly how this is going to go down, as soon as my dentist said "Okay, we're going to separate your jaw from..." was when I started watching old cartoons in my head so i don't know everything about the process. I do know that my dentist is against knocking his patients out, so I'll be awake for this.

I'm not sure how much drawing I'll be able to do tomorrow, but I know I won't be broadcasting any of it. In the meantime...

Dear Dentist who is about to torture me:

Dantooine. They're on Dantooine.
Shire! Baggins!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Pointy Sneak Peek

2010-01-01T18:23:00.000-08:00

Under the vote button there is now a new sneak peek. Check it out.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Christmas Schedule

2009-12-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

I had hoped for there to be a Tempts Fate update today, but holidays with the family has been hectic and (I'm not going to lie) loads of fun. Since my two boys will be away with family for Christmas Day (sniff), we've celebrated Christmas with them today. Presents, turkey, trying to put together the new toys, crumpled wrapping paper covering the entire livingroom... we did it all!

On Christmas eve, Danielle and I will go stay with her family for three days, making drawing impossible during that time, so the next Goblins update will be Monday, January 4th and Tempts Fate will update on Wednesday, December 30th.

Have a great holiday season and I'll see you next year and as always, thanks for reading!

~Thunt

Double Panel Sneak Peek

2009-12-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

There's a new sneak peek under the vote button. I've added text to the sneak peek that is not the actual text that will appear in the comic.

Also, I want to thank everyone who's been donating to Tempts Fate. THANK YOU! The last couple months have been... well, you know when your bills and income decide to have a foot race and the bills start to win? Yeah, that. I've gotten a couple emails lately asking what the minimum donation is and the answer is $1 (just because Paypal charges a bit for each donation so less than that starts to equal zero). If every Goblins reader donated a dollar, I could buy a house! Well, a small house, but you get the idea.

For the desktop picture that Tempts will win for everyone, should he survive, send me an email letting me know what you'd like it to be. :)

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

I'm A Dummy

2009-11-29T13:34:00.000-08:00

I um... well... I forgot to put the donation button up. It's there now though, at the top-left corner of the Tempts Fate comic.

I seem to have critically failed my intelligence check. Feel free to mock me.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Tempts Fate

2009-11-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

Tempts Fate started as a fun way to create a donation meter. I drew a few pictures of a goblin either surviving or dying in various traps depending on how donations went. As the concept grew and Tempts became almost a comic of his own, I tried to find new ways for the whole thing to be original and fun. I started coming up with ways for readers to help Tempts along without ever donating a penny.

This all came to a screeching halt however, with my idea for a visual, play-by-post Tempts Fate game. I wrote a dungeon crawl, filled it with rooms, traps and monsters and set up a system in which readers could adventure through the crawl, gather magical gear and help Tempts fight an entire army. I drew goblin body types, hair styles, jewelry and hundreds of various weapons and armour bits each sized in a way so they could all be put together by myself in a sort of virtual paper-doll manner. My plan was to have readers email me their actions, so I could email them the game's reactions and update the picture of their character on the site. When the game, which was to be Tempts Fate's ninth adventure, launched last year, I was amazed to find that in under 48 hours, I had over a thousand character submissions with no sign of the emails slowing down. Accepting defeat, I realised that I could never handle that many characters and so I reluctantly took the Tempts Fate 9 down.

Since then, I have tried to find a cheap way to turn the game into an online automated version to allow everyone to play without me needing to manually handle each move. Those of you who have been waiting know that it hasn't been happening. One person in particular has been great with working on programming the game but as both of us have full time jobs that must take priority, it's been a very uphill battle.

I miss Tempts Fate and judging by the emails I've been getting asking when he's coming back, so do some of you. So for now, I must reluctantly shelf the game idea and let poor Tempts get back to doing what he does best, tempting fate. Maybe one day the game will happen in some form. I've still got a mountain of artwork for this project just sitting here.

When Tempts Fate 9 launched and crashed all those months ago, I had gotten some donations from readers. Since it would be unfair for those donations to go uncounted, I've transferred that money onto this Tempts adventure, giving us a bit of a head start.

Also, in the interest in doing new, interactive things with Tempts, I've added The Door to this adventure. It's a way for people to take part in helping Tempts without donating any money. I hope you guys like it.

Note: The site is still under construction, so some pages are pretty messed up. That's being worked on.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Intelligence

2009-11-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have this theory about intelligence. It's an over-simplified theory but here it is...

There are three basic levels of intelligence. The first level consists of people who are not smart enough to know anything about the complexities of the universe and the deep suffering humanity has endured since its beginning. These people, unaware of the dark or disappointing aspects of existence, take blissful pleasure in small, insignificant things like a sunny day or a blueberry waffle. They spend their days with dumb looking grins on their faces, talking about unimportant, simple pleasures.

The second level of intelligence is made up of people who are smart enough to have a notable understanding of those complexities of the universe and that deep suffering that humanity has endured. With their grasp on the bleakness of existence, they see no emotion in a sunny day, knowing full well that emotions are nothing more than chemical reactions in our brains, triggered by our environment to help dictate our actions in ways that might benefit our species. They fail to see the point in that blueberry waffle, knowing that at any given time, uncounted people around the world are dying of hunger caused by corruption.

People within the third level of intelligence are also aware of these detailed and dreary points of our world. They understand the moral failure that so much of our planet endures. They know about the distant, permanently undiscovered details of the universe that are so vast and numerous, they masquerade as a great, black emptiness to our simple, mortal minds. Yet, these people who are completely aware of the dark or disappointing aspects of existence, have the extensive intelligence that is needed to take blissful pleasure in small, insignificant things like a sunny day or a blueberry waffle. They spend their days with dumb looking grins on their faces, talking about unimportant, simple pleasures.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

New Site Layout

2009-11-24T17:21:00.001-08:00

Working on the new site look now, expect bunches of things to not work properly for the time being.

Thanks for your patience.

~Thunt

GeeksOn

2009-11-18T02:00:00.000-08:00

The good folks over at GeeksOn have interviewed George R.R. Martin, Gina Torres (Zoe from Firefly) and Joss Whedon, but in their latest episode, they're stuck with me.

Slow day.

Check it out.

~Thunt

Remembrance Day

2009-11-11T10:27:00.000-08:00

Thank you to the heroes who have worked, fought and sacrificed for Canada and the rest of the world.

~Thunt

New Site Layout

2009-11-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

The new sit layout is still being worked on and it should be up in the next day or two.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Twitter Thursday Respondogasm

2009-11-05T01:31:00.000-08:00

For all of Thursday, I'm once again doing a 100% guaranteed responce to everyone and anyone who tweets at me.

Here is my Twitter account.

Also, if you haven't gotten an email from me regarding your donation yet, fear not. There are still quite a few more "GIMME LOOT" emails for me to respond to. And thank you SO much to everyone who's been donating! I hope you like the loot.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Between Book Three & Book Four

2009-10-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

In order to give some much needed attention to long overdue responsibilities like recreating/updating this "mostly functional" website, finally getting the visual-play-by-post Tempts Fate 9 game up and running and building up as much of a buffer as I can, Goblins Book Four will begin here on Monday, November 9th. But fear not, on every Monday between now and November 9th, I'll be posting a bunch of my concept sketches of scenes from Book Four, some with their text included, so you can have an idea of what's coming. I won't show anything spoilery, just think of the sketches as teaser trailers.

The recreated Goblins site will look cooler and contain a bunch of new features like an RSS link, a cosplay photo section (so email me pics of you in your Goblins costumes!), D&D tools and more. I hope you like it.

So to sum up, here's the schedule...

Monday, October 26th ~ Book Four concept sketches
Monday, November 2nd ~ more Book Four concept sketches
Monday, Novemeber 9th ~ Goblins Book Four launches!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Dammit

2009-10-21T01:52:00.000-07:00

Well... Crumbs & Pennies. :(

I've been working my butt of on this last update, but it's taking a very long time. Too much detail. Anyways, I'll have it live as soon as it's finished. For now, I'm crawling into bed.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Final Sneak Peek Of Book Three

2009-10-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

This next update is the last update of Book Three and the last update of the Brassmoon story arc. Under the vote button is a sneak peek of a panel from that update.

And to everyone who has been pre-ordering Book Two, I offer my loudest, most obnoxious thanks ever! I really appreciate the interest that you're showing in the Book. Since this is Keenspot's first experience with publishing Goblins material, they're looking at how much interest there is and using that as a gauge to see how quickly they can invest in things like Goblins plushies, animation, etc. Your pre-orders make these fun things happen faster. As a thank you, here's what I'll do...

When Book Four starts updating, I'm going to be giving this site a much needed overhaul. Things like an updated fan art page (thanks to the artists for their patience), RSS link, D&D tools etc will be added. I was going to save a map of the Goblins landscape as a bonus in my next PDF downloadable book, but if the Book Two pre-orders pass 600 (this includes orders of both the softcover & hardcover or the combo pack), I'll instead add it as a permanent part of the revamped site for free.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Book Two & Twitter

2009-10-13T02:11:00.000-07:00

Well, after a delay at the printers, Goblins Book Two pre-orders have finally begun. Hooray! To anyone who pre-orders a copy, Thank you SO much for your support! The more we impress Keenspot with pre-orders, the faster they'll start making other fun stuff like Goblins plushies!

Last Thursday, I did 24 hours of answering every, single Twitter message I received. The whole thing was very fun and due to Twitter's ability to create quick responses, didn't taken much time off my hands at all. So I've decided that every Thursday will be Respond-to-all-Twitters-Thursday. I may still respond on other days, but not to everything. I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not always going to be looking at my Twitter account.

So this Thursday, hit me with questions, comments or goofy stuff. You are 100% guaranteed a response. If you don't already know, this is my Twitter account.

Also, I'm hoping to find the ending to Book Three into next week's update.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Twitter Craziness

2009-10-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

For 24 hours (which started this morning at 3am) I'm responding to absolutely every tweet I receive. If you'd like to join in, my twitter account is right here.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Update Status & Sneak Peek

2009-10-01T07:52:00.000-07:00

I'm about to leave for VCON and since I won't be back until Monday, the update is going to be late this week.

Also, there is a new sneak peek of the upcoming update under the vote button (it's nice to be drawing forests again).

This story arc is alllllllmost at an end, at which point the comic will return to the "rotate through different story arcs" pattern that it used to follow. The end of this story arc will also mark the end of Book Three. Book Four will begin by continuing the adventures of Dies Horribly and his party.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

VCON

2009-09-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend I'll be at VCON. I'll be DMing some D&D and hanging out with folks much bigger than me, both in size and career (Lar looks like he could crush me with one hand). If you're in the area, come hang out with me, the guys who bring you LFG & LICD or Miles Teves, the very man who designed Iron Man's armour for the movie, the undead pirates in Pirates of the Caribbean and Tim Curry's rockin outfit for the movie Legend (and a scwillion other cool things).

Unfortunately, an annoying delay at the printers has pushed back the release date of Goblins: Book Two, so I won't be selling it at the con. However, they are making soft cover and hard cover versions of the book, which should be pretty cool.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Technical Problems

2009-09-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

As some of you already know, the forum is down. It won't be back up until October 1st when the bandwidth resets.

Also, Keenspot is having its own tech issue and as a result I can't update the comic. I've been poking at the tech folks and I hope to get some help with this as soon as possible.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Thunt's birthday

2009-09-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

September 29th is Thunt's birthday. He'll be 36.

Also, my correct email is dragonturtle@dccnet.com my email link on the site is wrong. Thunt's email link is correct though.

Signed, Danielle

Ears And Scrole Sneak Peek

2009-09-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

This week's sneak peek is now under the vote button.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Fake Text Fun

2009-09-10T15:20:00.001-07:00

A new sneak peek is now under the vote button to the right of this blog. Just for the hell of it, I added fake text to the sneak peek panel.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Sept 8th Update

2009-09-08T02:17:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping the update will be ready by Tuesday night.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Sneak Peak (Sept 3)

2009-09-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

There is now a characterless sneak peek of the upcoming update under the vote button to the right of this blog. Characterless... that's a word, right?

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Yeah, It's A Short Update

2009-08-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

This week, Danielle and I went camping for our 7th anniversary. This cost me two days worth of work and was... so worth it.

Anyways, that next page (which sort of explains the wagon) didn't end up being a part of this update.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Double Panel Sneak Peek

2009-08-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

There is now a sneak peek of two panels from the upcoming update, under the vote button to the right of this blog.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Sneak Peek Today

2009-08-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

New sneak peek under the vote button.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Worldcon Trip Cancelled

2009-08-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

Originally, Danielle and I were going to travel to Montreal to attend Worldcon. Unfortunately, a delay at the printers has made it impossible for us to get Goblins-Book Two in time for the con. Without that book to sell, our profits would be lessened to the point where the trip is no longer financially justified. So we have been forced to cancel the trip.

I'll still be holding the fan comic contest sometime soon. Details will show up here at some point.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Sneak Peek Arrival

2009-07-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

There's a new sneak peek under the vote button to the right there.

Thanks everyone who's voted Goblins up to the #1 spot! Look at us go!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Ustream

2009-07-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Those of you who like to pop into the live feed of me drawing, ranting and sometimes playing with my action figures will have noticed that I haven't been there in days. That's because the site that hosts the live feed, Justin.tv, has made some technical changes which have caused my connection with their broadcaster to be choppy and unpredictable. The admins there (okay, one admin) has been very helpful in trying to find the problem but at this point he's basically shrugging his shoulders and giving up. Asking Justin.tv for further help at this point is kind of like calling the police and asking them you help you find your car keys. It's just not going to happen.

Now before you helpful readers start emailing me with great advice on how to fix the problem, let me say that this problem has been confirmed to be on Justin.tv's end and there is nothing that I can do. But thanks anyways to you tech savy folks who were halfway to clicking on my email link to help.

So in an attempt to move on, I looked into Ustream, another live broadcasting site. That's when I noticed this little gem tucked into their terms of service...

(i) License Grant. Ustream.tv does not claim ownership rights in your User Submissions. However, by uploading, streaming, submitting, emailing, posting, publishing or otherwise transmitting any User Submission to Ustream.tv or on the Site, you hereby grant Ustream.tv a non-exclusive, worldwide, royalty-free, sublicensable, perpetual and irrevocable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, prepare derivative works based on, perform, display, publish, distribute, transmit, broadcast and otherwise exploit such User Submissions in any form, medium or technology now known or later developed, including without limitation on the Site and third party websites. You represent and warrant that you own or have the necessary licenses, rights, consents and permissions to grant the foregoing licenses to Ustream.tv. Ustream.tv will own all right, title and interest in and to all derivative works and compilations of User Submissions that are created by Ustream.tv, including all worldwide intellectual property rights therein. You agree to execute and deliver such documents and provide all assistance reasonably requested by Ustream.tv to give to Ustream.tv the full benefit of the rights granted to Ustream.tv by you.

Now... am I wrong in thinking that they're legally dressing me up in a skimpy french maid's outfit and having their kinky way with me? That they could take an image of say, Big Ears that I was drawing on their feed and put him in a book, movie or whatever they feel like making and there'd be nothing that I could do? I'm no lawyer, but it sure looks that way. I've emailed MINEstream... er... I mean Ustream today with this question, so we'll see what they say.

I'll have a new sneak peak up tonight.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Two Thirds Of A Page

2009-07-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to get back onto my "around Monday, sometimes Tuesday and on rare occasions, Sunday" schedule, I'm posting this small update. Next week's update will contain the last third of this page and at least one other page.

(The crowded panels always take so much longer than panels containing one or two characters.)

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Crowded Sneak Peek

2009-07-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

There is a new peek of the next update under the vote button to the right of this blog. Clicking on it not only lets you see the unfinished panel, it pushes Goblins up the top ten list over at TopWebComics. This promotes the comic and lets more people find it. Also, there are a ton of great webcomics in that list, I recommend taking a look at them and if you find something else in there that you like, please support them by voting, emailing them praise (we comic authors kinda like that) or even buying a t-shirt or something. Of course, simply returning to their site to read the comic is a great way to support them too!

On another note, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has been emailing me or posting in the forums with kind words about the comic. I can't respond to everyone and frankly, I gave up trying to answer every email a long time ago, but I read absolutely all of them and every single "thank you for the comic" email that I get makes me smile and feel very good about entertaining people. So to all of you, thank you.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Drooling Sneak Peek

2009-07-11T23:39:00.000-07:00

There is a new sneak peek picture under the vote button to the right of this blog. It contains an excessive amount of ogre drool.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Darn

2009-07-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, clearly I missed that Tuesday mark that I was hoping for. Things are going as fast as they can and the update will be here ASAP.

Sorry folks.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Happy Canada Day!

2009-07-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Canada Day to Canadians and non-Canadians alike!

This weekend I'll be camping with family and friends. We'll be leaving Friday morning and coming back sometime on Monday. Because of this, it's safe to expect a one page update on Tuesday (July 7th) and then another one page update the following Monday (July 13th). After that, I should be back to multiple pages.

In August, Danielle and I will be going to Worldcon in Montreal and that will unfortunately mean skipping a week in the undates. I'm hoping to do some sort of fan-comic contest for that week though. I'll post about that soon once Danielle and I work out all the details. We'll have a table in the dealers room, but it's still unknown whether Book Two will be back from the printers by then (fingers crossed). I will however, be handing out original sketches to anyone I see wearing a Goblins T-shirt or a Goblins costume. If I were to see one of the two people who have Goblins tattoos, you can have one of my thumbs.

Also, I've been getting a bunch of emails in the last few weeks from people asking permission to use art from the comic for forum avatars, etc. My rule is, if you're not making money from my art or claiming that you drew it, then go for it! If you want to use something from the comic on your website, etc. then just mention somewhere where you got it. Just don't, you know... post the whole comic on your site.

Note: This blog post is not a legal contract and can't be used against me in court ten years from now if someone is deliberately trying to rip me off. :)

And now, I'm off to draw, live on camera.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

New, Pointy Sneak Peek

2009-06-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

Under the vote button, there's a new sneak peek of the upcoming update.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

A Look Behind The DM's Screen

2009-06-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

First off, thank you to every one of you who has emailed me or posted kind words in the forum. The response from this update has been huge and I'm blown away by the giant smiles that my inbox keeps giving me. I'm just sorry that I can't answer everyone back personally.

So just for the hell of it, let's take a look at what the inner Dungeon Master in me is saying when I write a scene like this...

Okay, Thaco and Goblinslayer are fighting in the sewers. Goblinslayer originally had a -4 due to the darkness created from Thaco's plan, but he cast a minor spell on his sword (which counts a natural weapon) and the glow from that helps somewhat. He's still fighting with a -1 when within five feet of the glowing blade since it doesn't create a huge amount of light and it's still pretty dark. By the way, that penalty gets worse, the further he gets from the glowing blade-stick.

Aside from the darkness, the enviroment creates some difficulties of its own.

1) Medium creatures like Goblinslayer, suffer a small movement penalty due to the water (-5 ft/round) while small creatures like Thaco have a 50% movement reduction.

2) Due to the filthy state of the water, humans will have to make a Fortitude save at DR 12 for every 10% hit point loss they take during this battle. If Goblinslayer takes 43% hit point loss (I'm not saying that's how much damage he took, just using that as an example), he's going to have to roll four Fort saves the next morning. Since in my world, goblins are more resistent to diseases than humans (they have to be to eat the stuff that they do), Thaco's Fort saves are at a DR 6. These saves are done all at once after the character's next sleep and failing just one save is enough to make the character sick. A failed roll means he has caught a fever and suffers a -4 to Con, Cha and Str everyday until the fever clears. Every morning, the character rerolls his Fort save once. A successful roll means that he's feeling better. In other words, the more you muck about in the sewers with open wounds, the higher the chance that you're going to get sick.

3) Those rusty pipes that are poking up everywhere (and yes, there are panels establishing that there are a lot of them, not just the one that Goblinslayer fell on, as some folks think) are a hazzard too. Everytime a character takes damage while standing in the water, he must make a Balance save at DR 5+1/each point of damage taken. A failed save means that he's slipped and fallen. If the character falls, he must roll d6+1/every point he failed his Balance save by. This roll represents how many feet he falls away from his current, standing position. A roll of 5 feet or less means that he's basically fallen straight down, taking no additional damage, but counting as flat footed until spending an action getting up again (this is what happened to Thaco when he got an arrow in the back). A roll of 5 or more feet, means that he's slipped into the next square over, in the direction away from his attacker. If the next square over contains a rusty, jagged pipe, an additional roll to hit is made against the falling character as though he is flat footed. If the pipe hits, the attacker adds another 2d6+8 to his damage roll (this is what happened to Goblinslayer). Once the character has taken pipe damage, there is a 10%+1%/every point of damage that the pipe has done to him that he will become stuck on the pipe and (assuming he's still alive and not suffering trauma effects) need a successful Str check to pull himself free.

4) Also, if a character is climbing the walls in this area, a failed Climb check means similar "fall on a pipe" roles must be made.

So there you have it. Some of these rules don't actually have anything to do with the story in the comic, but regardless, these are the sorts of numbers that dance around in my brain when I'm writing a scene, climbing a tree, wrestling with my cat or standing in line at the bank. I think a lot of experienced DMs live in a similar brain space.

This is why some folks might be scratching their heads saying "wait a minute, why does Thaco have Knock Back?". He doesn't.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

The Wait

2009-06-19T10:42:00.001-07:00

If the update isn't up tonight, it'll be up tomorrow.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Archery Sneak Peek

2009-06-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

I'll be drawing off camera until this update is finished. It's a little too spoilery to show in the broadcast. Don't be surprised if the update isn't up yet on Monday. It simply has to be four pages long. Anything less for this update would completely ruin it.

There's a new sneak peek under the vote button.

And finally, thank you SO much to everyone who's been donating! I hope you like the desktop!

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Pan and Yala Desktop

2009-06-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

I just finished the brand new Pan and Yala desktop pic (the ogre's name is Pan, it just hasn't been mentioned in the comic). It's a picture of the two of them before they ended up in the Dungeons of Brassmoon. The desktop is available for a $2.00 donation (the Paypal button is at the top of the webpage, under the FAQ flag).

Of course, if you can't donate (or just don't want to), feel free to click here and grab the new desktop anyways. However, if you use the new wallpaper pic without donating, you are legally obliged to say something nice to me if we ever meet in person. Compliment my shoes or something.

For those of you who have donated, Danielle and I want to offer a huge thank you! Even small donations are a giant compliment that make us feel loved as well as help us with bills, etc.

And now I return to drawing.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

New Sneak Peek

2009-06-04T00:26:00.000-07:00

Clicking on the vote button to the right of this blog will show you a sneak peek panel from the upcoming update (as well as move Goblins up the ranked list). The picture is of a new character. Well, not 'exactly' new, we've seen him before.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Short Update

2009-06-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to catch up with things, this update is a small one. As much as I would have liked to tack on another page, that would have added a few more days to the wait time of this update which would have added a few more days to the next update, etc.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

"It's not my fault!" ~Han Solo

2009-05-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

Last night at 3:30 am, I finished the update and tried to post it. It was at that time that I was horrified to discover that my site was down. After some clicking around, I found that every one of Keenspot's sites were down. This gave me that "if I'm going down I'm taking you all with me" satisfied feeling. I felt giddy. Then I felt guilty for feeling giddy. Then I Twittered my status and went to bed.

But today, Keenspot is all fixed and so the update is up.

In other news, isn't Twitter lame? Twitter is so lame. Damn, it's lame. So um... I've been doing this thing on my Twitter account called 'If I'. Basically I start a sentence with "If I..." and then type out some bizarre crap. Here are some examples...

(If I #1) - If I were riding a T-rex, I'd be all "Yo, check out my T-rex!" but that'd be redundant cause, y'know, they can see it.

(If I #5) - If I could grow a mustache that could talk, it'd probably speak italian. I can't speak italian. Sh*t.

(If I #4) - If I ever get stung by a bee, it'd better not be a laser-bee, because those are made of puuuuurre laser.

I started doing these and as soon as my number of Twitter followers went down, I knew I had to do more. My Twitter account is here. Gods, Twitter is lame. Isn't it just so lame?

Also, the forum is down because of a bandwidth issue. I'm not exactly sure when it'll be back, since I don't run it, but I'm guessing that it'll be alive again as soon as June kicks in.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Update Today

2009-05-26T01:18:00.001-07:00

The 2.3 page update will be up today (Tuesday). I have no idea what time, since I've still got to finish colouring, texting, etc.

EDIT: Last night I called the updated 3.3 pages. That was a typo, I meant 2.3 pages. Sorry everyone, I didn't mean to psych you out.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

My Internet Is Back Up!

2009-05-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

Well that sucked.

I'm really sorry that you folks had to wait like that. As you can see, I was without internet for longer than I expected. I won't bore you with the details.

Three new pages are now up.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

My Internet Is Down!

2009-05-11T17:55:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this from my neighbour's computer...

My internet is down and won't be up again until Tuesday - Thursday. I apologise for this delay and although I can continue drawing, I can't broadcast over the cam or update the comic for now. And allow me to answer this question before it's asked...

"Why don't you just update from your neighbour's computer?"

I am imposing so much already and there is no way that I'm going to ask this guy that I really don't know "hey, do you mind if I download and install an FTP program and use that program to upload some weird stuff from my flash drive?".

I'll post / update as soon as I have my connection back up.

As always, thanks for reading (and waiting).

~Thunt

The VCON Pre-con Bash

2009-05-03T02:03:00.000-07:00

Today (Sunday, May 3), Danielle and I will be attending the VCON Pre-con Bash (info on the Bash is on the front page of that link, just scroll down a bit) in Vancouver, BC. The point of this event, which runs from 1pm - 5pm, is to promote VCON, Vancouver's sci-fi/fantasy convention.

If you're in the area and feel like popping by, come and say hello. The address is Rio Theatre, 1660 East Broadway.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Thunt

Hey, The Blog Is Back Up

2009-04-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

After having Twitter on this site for awhile, I've found that I like it for quick announcements, but I think that I still need the blog here. I plan on having the website redesigned soon (it needs it badly, I know) and I'd like to have both the blog and Twitter here. I'm still using Twitter to announce when I start broadcasting the live drawing or make tiny announcements, so feel free to follow me on Twitter if you like.

Nine days ago, my neck muscles decided to freak out and stop me from turning my head, moving, being without pain, etc. Why did my neck do this? Well, 21 years ago, I suffered a severe neck injury and ever since then my neck has pulled every 1 - 3 months. Usually it's for a few days, but every handful of years it's a big one like the neck spasm I'm currently experiencing. I've been to the doctor and gotten some cool pills, but I still need more time to lay in bed like a useless lump and so I'm going to have to cancel the update that would have appeared "around Monday" May 4th. For now, I'm going to still draw, but only for an hour or two at a time.

The next update will be "around Monday" May 11th.

Also, some people have donated to Goblins and have not gotten 'thank you' emails. This is due to Danielle's email account being wonky and so let me just say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has donated. I realize that it's something you don't have to do and Danielle and I appreciate it very much!

As always, thanks for reading.
~Thunt